Then the bottom fell out. Why? I have no idea. Woke this mornin' with fairly good balance. No cane required. Speaking with clarity. The mind was in tune. Feet didn't burn, still numb along with the rest of me, but no pain there. The hands? Well, they are still on fire. Something akin to constant low voltage shock. My palms feel bruised. My fingers have become great contortionist and will go off in different directions at the oddest of times. But, hey, I have some motor skills in the lower half and the brain is keeping up.
I went out on the porch, got some free vitamin D. Watched the pups play, the wind gently sway the trees. Admired the cardinal flowers in bloom on the massive vine which has taken over my veggie garden. I don't care, it's beautiful and not harming a thing. I'm mesmerized by the twisting entanglement of it. It's miraculous how nature works. So many lovely flowers blooming in my little sanctuary.
Completed my mornin' chores - fed the pups, swept the kitchen & sunroom. A somewhat lazy Saturday. The hubs was off dove hunting, I was in hopes he was having a good time. He's had so much worry placed upon him with my "hiccups" and his mom having so many medical problems. Our families are getting older and it seems every week it's some new malady requiring at the very least hospitalization but usually some sort of surgery to correct. His plate is overflowing with worry and I feel even more helpless.
Feeling quite content with myself after the hubs & mom telling me how much better I looked, walked & talked. Small spasms continue to wrack my body, the numbness from breast down, face - but the rest is encouraging.
By early evening, I figured a shower was in order. I spent the day going through insurance applications (to see if they were all filled out) and the masses of information I've gathered on my symptoms and printed out to take to the doc. I compile the latter and stick them in a folder to take to a consult with a new physician. Perhaps together we can strike up a game plan I want to be prepared, as much as possible. Today I can semi-scribble, a bonus as I've not been able to write for over 3 weeks now.
I decide to shower early, giving my long hair a chance to dry (blow dryer you say? oh, I think not!). After telling the hubs my intentions I gather up my stuff and head to the bathroom, brush out my hair, set the water to tepid...best I can distinguish anyhow. I climb into the shower and before I can get the shampoo in my hair, my arms feel as though they weigh 40lbs each. Then I fall. Catching myself before tumbling completely out of my garden tub, I sit down on it's ledge. Turn the water off, regain some composure. Then try again. Three falls in one showering time. I'm exhausted by the time I get dried off and dressed....
Figuring to sit for a bit, waiting for some strength to return, I camp out in the bathroom for another 30 minutes. As I attempt to walk through the bedroom it becomes very apparent that I must get the cane. My legs are moving in jerky strides, muscles spasms feel as though they are squeezing the air out of my lungs. Hmm, this can't be good?
Never quite comprehended how many facial muscles one possesses. Nor was I aware at how many could spasm at the same time. Waves of it for hours. What's this? Any pressure on the stomach causes pain. I feel "overly full".
Hubs is most confused by this. He's not used to seeing my declines. Fear has gripped me. I have never been afraid for myself throughout a very colorful life. I do not like this, yet can't seem to shake it.
I am scared. A most uncomfortable feeling indeed.
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